Under the Spotlight

 

Evan Islovits

 

 

Lights fade to black. A thunderous clap erupts from the crowd. My heart, filled with joy and sadness, calms down as I come out from behind the curtain for one final bow. I look out into the crowd, clasp hands with my fellow cast and crew members who have now become family, and we take a bow. As the clapping subsides I recede backstage, having just taken part in my last production at Miami Country Day School. But how did I get here? How did a kid who has suffered with social anxiety all his life manage to step on a stage in front of his entire school? This wonderful journey that has led to so many amazing things in my life started just four years before, when I had started attending MCDS as a freshman in high school.

 

Rewind all the way back to 2010-my freshman year. Not only was freshman year my first year of high school, but it was also my first year in a brand new school. I was not going in completely solo since my older brother had started school there two years earlier in eighth grade, and I had three friends from middle school making the transition with me. However, having a pretty intense case of social anxiety did not make this transition easy. Throughout the first few months of the school year it became pretty apparent that my anxiety was causing more problems than usual. Everyday, when the last bell rang, I waited in the parking lot to go home as if I was stuck on autopilot. No after school activities. No sports. No hanging out with friends. Just school and home, school and home, more school, and home the day after that. Miami Country Day School had so much to offer and I knew going in that I wanted to take advantage of that — especially since I finished my baseball career at the end of eighth grade. Unfortunately, my anxiety held me back. I had a few friends in school in addition to the friends that moved schools with me, but the friendships never seemed to carry over outside of school. My social life out of school was pretty much non-existent except for the rare times when I tagged along with my older brother or mustered up enough courage to contact one of my school friends.

 

I was laying in my bed one Saturday night, following my usual routine of spending the night alone on my computer, when my parents decided to walk upstairs and see what plans I had for the evening. I told them I didn’t make any plans and I shrugged it off like it was no big deal so I could go back to being alone in my room and eliminate the chance of dealing with any anxiety that night. My parents looked visibly upset that I continued to have no plans day after day and started naming off possible plans. “Go out with Eli or call a friend from school. Just please don't stay home alone tonight.” I continued to shoot down their ideas, in favor of staying home, which made them more and more aggravated. In the end, I ended up going to dinner with them instead of making my own plans, but the night was filled with discussions about my situation. They knew, and I knew, that something had to be done before this got any worse, so we collectively decided on therapy. I did not want to do it but deep down I knew I needed to try something. I had a few sessions and quickly realized therapy was not for me. I was not going to get any better by sitting in an office and talking through some situations that cause anxiety. I had to find something on my own to help myself get better.

 

I did. Throughout freshman year I was keeping tabs on the different extracurricular options Miami Country Day had to offer. I was done playing baseball and did not want to join another sports team, so that was out of the question. I was always a huge fan of music — I had even taken a few piano and drum lessons — but I was nowhere near as good as the players in the school band, so I opted to find something else. This led to my discovery of the Thespians Club. My dad had participated in theater during his high school and college years; therefore theater has always been apart of my life and I had developed an appreciation for it. I never pursued theater because I was always way too shy, but it had finally gotten to the point where I knew I needed to do something about the anxiety that had taken over my life, so I figured why not try something I actually like rather than sitting in a therapists office?

 

The year was almost over and I had yet to join any of the productions put on that year, but I still had one more chance. The Thespians were putting on the end of year musical, You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown, and they were in need of backstage crew members. This was the perfect opportunity for me. I knew that I had to start doing work backstage because acting in front of everyone would be near impossible with my anxiety. My friend, Madison, was already a member of the crew, so I had some comfort making the decision to join, but I still felt my anxiety finding it’s way out. I was waiting backstage during the first rehearsal I attended, just observing everything that was happening around me, and waiting to be told what to do. I was friends with a few of the cast and crew members, but I wasn’t at the point where I could talk freely with them and not feel my heart pound or the need to leave. It came time to start rehearsals, so I went to my spot behind the curtain and waited for my cue to start moving some of the props on stage. I had never done anything like this before, so my mind was racing with thoughts like, “You’re going to mess up” and “Everything you do will be wrong.” I was so nervous that I almost missed my first cue to bring a chair out on stage. Luckily that didn't happen and I proved my thoughts wrong. I calmed down a bit for the rest of the rehearsals and I even spoke to some of the people around me.

 

Joining that production was truly one of the greatest decisions I have ever made in my life. I became more and more comfortable with the cast and crew, which made it easier to interact with everyone. I ended up becoming really great friends with most of the thespians because of this production, which made the rest of my high school years easier. I even found the courage to try acting during my sophomore year. The school was putting on a production called The Room, which is the imaginary place that you go to in your mind when you are trying to deal with your problems: very appropriate to my own struggles. There was a character, Ben, who was constantly anxious, and never spoke because of the terrible life he lives. In my own mind, I toyed with idea of going out for this part, but I never thought I would actually audition. It was just some fantasy I created for myself. I ended up telling some of my friends that there was no way I am going to audition for a role, but I was thinking about this specific part. They started encouraging me to go to the auditions, so I decided to join them in the audition room.

 

While I was sitting in the room and watching others audition, I continued to have an internal debate with myself. At one moment I was telling myself, “You are not getting up there to audition” and then a second later my thoughts would change to, “You can do this!” Finally, the director approached me and I started freaking out inside. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I didn't know what to do. Luckily, the director knew about my situation and assured me that everything would be okay. She told me not to worry about reading for any of the other parts and it would be fine to just audition for the role of Ben. This made me feel safe, so I went to the front of the room and auditioned. Before I left, the director called me over and said, “If you really want to do this, I will work with you and make sure everything is okay.” I got the role, being a part of that show solidified my love for theater and pushed me closer to breaking free from my anxiety. To this day I have no idea how I was able to get up on that stage and perform in front of the entire school, but it happened, and it made me realize that I should not be hindered by my anxiety.

 

The Thespian club continued to be the most important part of my high school experience and it seemed like everyday I worked with them helped my anxiety got better. Throughout high school I worked on every school production Country Day had to offer, whether I acted, worked as stage manager, did lighting design, or assistant directed, I was always a part of the production in some way. I even became Vice President during my senior year, which is crazy to think of since I never would have imaged myself being a part of any theater group. While the Thespians took up most of my time at Country Day, there is a bit more to my Country Day story.

 

During my time at Miami Country Day School I was able to discover something that led me to where I am now. As with theater, I always loved filmmaking, but I never really thought it could be something I can actually pursue until I went to Miami Country Day. During my sophomore year, Country Day opened up a brand new Media Center that housed a broadcast studio. I did not have plans the summer this studio opened, and Madison told me they were doing training sessions that some students were welcomed to join. I jumped on the opportunity and realized fairly quickly that I really enjoyed working with all the cameras and equipment in the studio. It was here that I discovered my love for filmmaking and started using video production for class projects, as well as helping the thespians with all their media related needs. Madison and I even helped create the broadcasting club at school. Ultimately it led me to want to pursue filmmaking as a career, which led me to Emerson College.

 

Lights fade to black. My heart begins to pound as I walk on stage before the performance begins. It feels like multiple lifetimes are passing by as I sit on stage waiting for the show to begin. The lights finally illuminate the stage and my life as a thespian officially begins.

 

A bit about Evan 

 

Evan Iaslovits is a freshman from Miami, FL, currently studying in the Visual Media Arts department. Evan hopes to be a feature film director in the future and is an active participant on student film sets. In high school, Evan was a member of the broadcasting and thespian clubs, where he participated in numerous stage productions as a stage manager, lighting designer, assistant director, and actor. He hopes to bring these experiences into his  film work.